Someone calling himself Jarrod Landers writes:

RE: stopping cryptolocker
Paul Darwin,
With 2016 security initiatives here, do you have 40 minutes to dive into a discussion about the market leader in next-gen endpoint security?
Carbon Black’s proactive approach is proven to stop zero-day threats, such as ransomware. 68% of incident responders currently use Carbon Black, due to our ability to show the full root cause analysis of an attack. Our threat intelligence cloud feeds into both technologies, leveraging third party threat feeds, our Software Reputation Service, and noticing indicators of compromise through watching behavioral patterns.
Do you have any availability the week of July 11th for a product overview?
I look forward to hearing back from you.
Regards,
Jarrod Landers | Account Manager
jlanders@carbonblack.com
Desk +1 617.393.7318 | Mobile +1 508.450.6735
Disrupt. Defend. Unite. A new era in endpoint security
------------------------

Jarrod,
Are you as scammer as well as a spammer? Or just a spammer? Either way, my name isn't Paul Darwin, and it has never been Paul Darwin. But several years ago a data thief stole a copy of my employer's e-mail address book and has been selling it to scammers and spammers ever since. Unfortunately the version you bought from the thief (or from someone who stole or bought it from the original thief) has my name wrong. So every time I get an e-mail addressed to Paul Darwin, I know from the start that the sender is a spammer who has no problem using stolen intellectual property.

Frankly, that's all I need to know about the company you claim to represent or the services or products you claim to offer. Ironically, the products or services that scammers/spammers regularly send to the attention of "Paul Darwin" are never anything I would have any use for anyway. But that doesn't keep them from randomly spamming me with irrelevant "offers." If you think about it, your marketing practices are identical with those of the folks who used to spam me with "organic viagra" offers. If you don't like that comparison, please stop spamming random strangers.

A friend tells me that he has heard of your company and that I am wrong to react this way to your random unsolicited solicitation (i.e. spam). But it's not my fault if you want to give your company a bad name with spammy marketing practices.

Ordinarily I try to hook spammers like you up with one of my friends who doesn't mind doing business with scammers and spammers. However, I can't think of one reason in the world why he could use your services. Besides, he seems to be doing just fine where he is at the moment, and probably doesn't need the complication.

Someone calling himself Luke Hilgemann writes

Hey Paul,
Americans for Prosperity continues to rack up victories. State by state. Battle by battle.
AFP is the premier grassroots army in America fighting - and winning - important free-market reforms now in the states. With more than 2.8 million activists on the ground ready to engage in policy battles at the drop of a hat, we're making the American people stronger, more prosperous, and more free every single day. (And we have the results to prove it.)
Last year alone, AFP's 2.8 million activists fought for free-market reforms that saved hardworking taxpayers like you $60 BILLION. Our powerful mix of door-to-door canvassing, phone calls, television ads, and town hall meetings helped AFP activists:
- Beat back crippling tax hikes in Arkansas and Illinois-and led the fight for massive tax cuts in states like North Carolina and New Hampshire.
- Make Wisconsin the 25th and West Virginia the 26th right-to-work states-and we're making great progress towards winning in Missouri and Kentucky.
- Block Obamacare's Medicaid expansion in states like Florida, Utah, Nebraska, and Tennessee - often times fighting tooth and nail against politicians who had opposed Obamacare on the campaign trail then changed their tunes in office.
- And even nationally, we brought much-needed oxygen to the fight for the Keystone XL Pipeline-setting us up for future success in 2017, and paving the way for thousands of well-paying jobs.

Paul, there will be no shortage of policy fights in 2016. But if we're going to make sure we fight as effectively as possible--and make the biggest impact we can--we're counting on your expertise, and your help.
[website name that falsely implies this is a grassroots organization withheld]

In 2016, we'll continue to grow our ranks and mobilize our grassroots army on the top issues that face our states and our nation. But we need to fight smart, and we need to fight together.
AFP has the field plan in place to win this fight when it matters most--and we have a list of real, concrete victories a mile long.
But what we don't have right now? You. Your support, your expertise, and your passion.
https://americansforprosperity.org/afpgrassroots/
In Liberty,
Luke Hilgemann
Chief Executive Officer
Americans for Prosperity

----------------------------

Dear Mr. Hilgemann,

I wouldn't ordinarily publish your scam/spam on a web forum set up to make fun of petty criminals. But sometimes major a**holes demand attention, as you demanded it by e-mailing me a huge pack of lies about being a grassroots organization instead of a Koch brother's front. And taking credit for policies that protect the rich and hurt the middle class (in the name of "tax cuts") in several states where you were just ONE of the organizations the Koch brothers supported to make certain they continued to get the tax breaks they want at the expense of everyone else, even many of your sadly deluded "members."

Also the Keystone Pipeline was NEVER going to bring real money into American pockets, except for the handful of Americans who would have been necessary to keep it running once it was built. You know BETTER than I do it was supposed to give Canadian oil companies the right to ship an unusually dangerous form of petroleum across the Mississippi basin - endangering millions of square miles of watersheds - to ships waiting to take the oil to China. There was no serious talk of "protecting America's oil supply" by anyone but oil barons and their puppets in Congress and on Fox News.

Now that the world petroleum markets have right-sized somewhat, many productive American well are sitting idle, and China is facing a recession, the case for the Keystone is worse than ever. And YOU KNOW THAT. But the Koch brother's keep telling you to insist that it's a "watershed issue." In a way it is, but in that some folks are all about protecting the watershed, and you don't care who or what gets poisoned as long as your lies keep bringing you profits.

Oh, and by the way, "Right to Work" laws hurt public servants and help nobody - any supposed tax savings is just going to underwrite the tax breaks of the ultra-rich who got those laws past anyway.

[Readers: If you live in a "right-to-work" state, did you see YOUR taxes go down more than a few cents a day after those laws passed? Did you know that the ultra-rich who supported them get thousands more A DAY in tax cuts? Thanks to you and at the expense of people who are there to serve and protect you and your families. The next time you see a public safety or public education professional, be sure to tell them how glad you are that screwing them to the wall saved you enough money to buy an additional medium pepperoni pizza or carton of cigarettes every month since. I hope it's a really good pizza, considering you sold your soul for it.]

Mr. Hilgemann, please feel free to contact me after you've accepted the principles of "truth in advertising" enough to stop calling yourselves a "grassroots" organization and to change your name to "Americans for the Prosperity of Ultra-Rich Weasels Who Hate Everybody Else."

If you don't find those terms agreeable, I do know ONE person who might be interested in helping your cause. The Exiled Prince of Nigeria has promised to help ANY scammer who doesn't mind having hundreds of thousands of dollars deposited directly into his or her bank account. If this sort of offer appeals to you, please go to the Exiled Nigerian Prince's contact page [ http://www.exilednigerianprince.com ] and enter the requested information, including the amount of donation you'd like to receive (try to keep it under $3,000,000), and your bank account number and routing code.

The Exiled Nigerian Prince is currently on vacation in the French Quarter of New Orleans with only intermittent Internet access (the "picturesque" hotel he is staying a barely has running water, much less WiFi). But as soon as he gets back online and reviews your information, he will do everything in his power to make certain you get what's coming to you.

Hello, Paul,

Sorry I haven't kept in better touch, but I've been busy. For one thing, once you sent that Koch brothers puppet our way, other lying extremist nutcase groups have been falling over each other in the attempt to "cash in" on the offer to get massive donations simply by giving me their bank account number and routing code. I felt bad taking them at first, in case they were actually idealists. Then I read up on the leaders of the groups and the groups' activities. Voter suppression, bigotry, demagoguery, hate-mongering, fear-mongering, and lying, lying, lying.

I went past one of these groups' local headquarters last week by accident and saw that the vacant lot beside the building was packed full of Unbelievable Lie canisters.

From neighboring states, I hear that voter ID laws, combined with deliberate closure of offices where minority voters can get those IDs is disenfranchising many thousands of voters. At least Louisiana doesn't have that law yet. But here's an odd twist - Louisiana DOES have a law that requires naturalized citizens to bring their naturalization papers when they register to vote; while all other states simply allow voters to show an approved photo ID and check a box that says they are citizens. That is just strange. I'm not a citizen, so I wouldn't vote anyway, but New Orleans is full of immigrants, and this law just seems to single them out.

I am enjoying myself tremendously, listening to a different music group each night, taking saxophone lessons by day.
Yes, I have taken up saxophone, using a beat up 1950's-era Buescher Aristocrat tenor that an acquaintance said "would take me a long way." No, I don't expect to be a professional saxophone player; I just thought it might help me get into the spirit of things here, and it's not like a I need a day job.

It is interesting how much lighter-skinned most African-Americans are than I. My Cajun friend says that through most of the south, you could blame white slave-owners who claimed to be "Christians" but couldn't keep their hands off of their female slaves. But in New Orleans, he says the dynamics were a little different. The region was first settled by the French, who were more interested in trading than they were in farming or colonization. Even when they brought slaves in (or raided the brothels of France to increase the female population), they never bought into the English settlers' conviction that rich white men were the only people worth treating like people. In fact the "Creole" families were proud of their mixed European and African heritage.

Add to that the French Canadians who traveled down the Mississipi to flee the British in Canada, settled in places no one else wanted and came to develop their own "Cajun" language and culture. I can't speak for all Cajuns, because most of the ones I have met are family and friends of my one alligator poacher friend, but they seem willing to judge a man by his virtues and strengths and not by the color of his skin.

Sadly, I have also seen many people in the northern quarter of the city who still haven't recovered from the flooding caused by Katrina. I'm told that the earthworks gave way because almost a century ago, politicians and grafters in charge of the projects built something far weaker than they were supposed to and pocketed the difference. I have secretly helped several deserving families, but please don't let the word get out because then everybody would be asking for money at once, and all my money together won't fix all the problems of this city, even if you could get it into the right hands. But that's one reason, I don't feel bad about taking the money of liars and demagogues like the fake "grass-roots" organization you brought to my attention - I can certainly put it to better use.

On the other hand, I have stopped conning innocent civilians, and restricted my attention to people who - frankly - deserve it. In fact, could you please publish this: If you are NOT a nut-case demagogue raising money for lying racist politicians, and you get what seems to be an e-mail from me, please delete it immediately - that is from one of the the FAKE Exiled Nigerian Princes, who seem to be even more numerous in the United States than they are in Haiti.

Conversely, if you ARE a nut-case demagogue raising money for lying racist politicians, please go to my contact page [ http://www.exilednigerianprince.com ], and enter the requested information, including the bank account number and routing code of your organizations largest bank account and the amount of money you think I should donate to your cause (try to keep it under $1.5 million). I guarantee I will do my best to see that your organization gets exactly the financial outcome it deserves.

Your friend, the Exiled Nigerian Prince, still in love with this damaged, and in some ways tortured, but also joyful city.

Someone calling himself Donald J. Trump writes:

Paul,

Obama is digging our country’s grave.
And if Crooked Hillary wins, she’ll finish the job.
She’ll crash our economy, abandon our veterans, leave middle-class Americans out to dry, and sell our country to the highest bidder.
But together, YOU and I are going to stop Crooked Hillary and take our country back!
Right now, we’re closing in on our end-of-quarter goal. We MUST end the quarter strong. How we finish could make the difference between winning and losing our country.
Paul, do what you can to STOP Crooked Hillary and Make America Great Again!
CONTRIBUTE $250 TO SAVE AMERICA [URL of known spammer/scammer withheld]
CONTRIBUTE $100 TO SAVE AMERICA [URL of known spammer/scammer withheld]
CONTRIBUTE $50 TO SAVE AMERICA [URL of known spammer/scammer withheld]
CONTRIBUTE $35 TO SAVE AMERICA [URL of known spammer/scammer withheld]
CONTRIBUTE OTHER AMOUNT [URL of known spammer/scammer withheld]

Crooked Hillary, Obama, and their liberal lapdogs in DC are fighting to weaken our country, destroy our values and kill the American Dream.
They don’t want to see Americans succeed. They want to keep getting special treatment and make millions of Americans dependent on them.
I want to see our economy strengthened, small businesses boom, our wages rise, our borders controlled and our middle class stronger than ever before.
There is so much untapped greatness in our country that has been deliberately suppressed by the power brokers who profit off of your demise.
It’s time to take our country back and Make America Great Again!
Contribute $35 toward our end-of-quarter goal to stop Crooked Hillary.
Thank you and God bless you,
Donald J. Trump
CONTRIBUTE $35 TO SAVE AMERICA [URL of known spammer/scammer withheld]
replyto@victorymailings.com

----------------------------

Dear Mr. Victorymailings, or whatever your name is,

I know for a fact you are not Donald J. Trump, or anyone of note, because in the last six months you have spammed me in the name of EVERY Republican candidate, even those with entirely different messages from Mr. Trump.

I will confess that you do a good job of sounding like the Donald, by including quote after quote from his speeches and tweets.

It's probably a good thing that I know you are a fake, because if you were the real Donald Trump, I would be tempted to remind you, that calling Hillary crooked, is, shall we say, the pot calling the kettle black.

You claim to be in favor of small business, yet you have defrauded scores of small businesses of money they earned working on your establishments, then sued them to keep them quiet.

You claim that the liberals are trying to weaken our country and destroy our economy, yet it was Bush's banker friends, deregulated under Reagan and Bush I, who nearly destroyed every free economy in the world with their corporate greed. In addition, how is a person who has declared bankruptcy so many times and refuses to release information related to his own self worth and financial dealings to be trusted with something as important as the strongest economy in the world?

For example, blaming "liberals" for not getting us out of the financial tailspin that "conservative" business interests caused (with the collusion of business-friendly "conservatives" in Congress) quickly enough is wrong on more levels than I can count. How about blaming the people who caused the recession in the first place?

But I probably only feel that way because I read, I get my news from actual news sources and I have supported the banking and foreign exchange industries in the past. So I'm not one of the uneducated people you seem to love (and court with your lies and hate-speech).

You claim that Secretary Clinton will "abandon our veterans." Yet, you've reneged again and again on your promise to donate millions to veterans and to charitable causes. In fact, until the media recently shamed you into donating $1M into a veterans cause you had promised to give upwards of $4M, you have apparently been giving less to charitable causes over the last ten years than I have, and I'm a technical writer and part time musician who has been laid off from his day job multiple times in that period.

You claim that Secretary Clinton will "leave the middle class out to dry." But the middle class was "hung out to dry" by your party, who has kept their corporate supporters happy by making sure their incomes increased exponentially at the expense of all of their workers. Not to mention that you have defrauded hundreds if not thousands of middle class people by withholding payment for work done on your projects, then suing them when they spoke up about it. Also, it wasn't the "liberals" who destroyed our 401Ks, it was billionaire bankers who benefited from lack of oversight that Bush, Bush, and Reagan gave them in exchange for campaign dollars. Back in 2005, I had planned to retire in 2008. Now I hope to retire by 2018. Your friends have robbed me of ten years of my retirement, and I'm supposed to believe that Secretary CLINTON is the enemy of the middle class?

You claim that we need YOU to make America great "again." America IS great. Only a sociopathic narcissist would imagine that we need you in charge to make it greater in any way shape and form.

At the moment, the United States of America IS the greatest nation on earth, with the world's largest economy, the world's greatest military strength, and many other "firsts." We only fall short (far short, actually) in places like public education, public health, and public transportation, that your party leadership had fought to gut for years to they could protect the tax breaks of their wealthy donors.

That said, even if I thought for one minute you cared about the welfare of ANY family that doesn't have a million dollars or more in the bank, I would still be put off by your lies, ethnocentrism, demagoguery, and thievery.

But since I know you're not really Donald Trump, I am just put off by your attempted thievery.

However, I do have a friend who will swallow your message of hate and fear hook line and sinker, and who will gladly donate millions to your cause. The only thing is, he is on a sort of extended vacation right now and doesn't have access to his checkbook. He can, however, make direct deposits into the bank account of your choice. Please go to his contact page [ http://ExiledNigerianPrince.com ] and enter the requested information, including the account number and routing code of the bank account you would like the money to go into, as well as the suggested donation amount. He will be very glad to help you get exactly the assistance you deserve.

Someone calling himself Charlie Goddard writes:

subj: Gardening (7/4/2016)

Our company operates a network of over 42 million online subscribers.
The technology that we use gives us the ability to present to our network
a best, preferred choice when they are looking on any of
the main search engines.
We are looking for a best, preferred choice to send our people
who are looking for different types of gardening supplies.
I am in the office weekdays from 8:00AM to 5:00PM Pacific time.
Best regards,
Charlie Goddard
cgoddard@ngcemp.com
Systems Network Specialist, SPN
(877) 510.8294, Ext. 1882

Dear Mr. Goddard,

Thank you for offering me the chance to become part of a search engine redirect scheme. However, I would rather get potential readers honestly.

Of course, you may be quite legitimate, but most legitimate companies don't hide their ownership and origins.

I know a fellow who thinks like you do and has trouble getting search engine traffic to his site honestly. At the moment he is traveling and unable to pay you by charge or check for your services. However, he has the ability to do direct deposits to anyone whose services he desires. How about if the Exiled Nigerian Prince would offer to pay you $100,000 a month to put his web page at the top of EVERY SEARCH for the poor individuals who've managed to pick up your virus? If those terms are agreeable, please go to his contact page [ ExiledNigerianPrince.com ] and enter the requested information, including the bank account and routing code where you want the first installment deposited.

Someone calling himself Garett Eddins writes:

Hello, I wanted to reach out and ask if there is anything that you would like to change about your site. I am a web developer that can do just about anything you can imagine.

I would like to have a conversation with you about some additions and improvements that I could make to your site. Please let me know if this is something you're interested in. If it is, just let me know the best number to reach you on and I'll reach out right away.

Thank you!

Garett Eddins - Web Developer
expertdesign78@gmail.com:
--------------------
Twenty minutes later, someone calling himself Garett Eddins wrote:
--------------------
I'm reaching out to see if there are things you'd like to change or update on your site, or if you'd like to build a new site completely. I am an excellent web developer capable of just about anything you can come up with and my rates are affordable for nearly everyone. Please let me know if you're interested and I'll be happy to have a free consultation with you.

Garett Eddins
Square2designz@gmail.com

----------------------

Dear Garett,

First of all, I'd like to thank you for using an obviously fake name and not one, but TWO "burner" G-mail addresses. Because legitimate companies ALWAYS use fake names and disposable g-mail addresses when they spam you with vague offers. A quick search of the internet turns up several additional "burner" G-mail addresses you've used to spam other people, and NO evidence that any person named Garett Eddins exists in human form anywhere.

Because your notes are so vague, they could be an introduction to any of about sixteen schemes that start out this way. I'm not going to follow up and see which way you planned to scam me, because I get so many similar scam/spams a day, that would be a full-time job.

However, if you really do know ANYTHING about the Internet (besides how to generate "burner" G-mail addresses), I have a friend who could use your help. In fact, the Exiled Nigerian Prince is so desperate for help with his web page that he will gladly pay you $10,000 in advance to get started on his projects. He has to pay by direct deposit, though, since someone hacked his PayPal account and it's made using any kind of credit payment a little dicey. If this sort of thing interests you, simply go to his contact page [ http://www.exilednigerianprince.com ] and enter the requested information, including your bank account number, routing code, and the amount of money you would need as a down payment for your services. ($10,000 is just a suggestion).

Here's to a great future working with the kind of client you really deserve.

Paul,

Sorry I haven't written more often, but, as I said, my hotel doesn't exactly offer free wi-fi. And the truth is I've been very busy and generally having a good time, until the last few days, that is. Since the recent violence in Baton Rouge and Dallas, the city is on edge. I've been stopped three times going to or from my saxophone lessons by police suspicious of the size and shape of the case. And two friends have been arrested for "driving while black."

According to my friends, the New Orleans police department generally has a much better relationship with the community than in most southern cities. In fact, there's a pretty high percentage of black officers. What's more is that there's still a sense after Katrina that folks are willing to come together to work for a common cause.

That's one thing that makes the new tensions even more startling - it's like people had almost stopped seeing color when they looked at each other, and now nobody knows who they can trust. Everybody's afraid of being too paranoid, and at the same time they're afraid of not being paranoid enough.

The officers that stopped me for carrying my saxophone looked almost as afraid of me as I was of them. But they had guns and I didn't. One white officer actually apologized for stopping me once he realized I wasn't carrying a bomb or gun or something. I told him I understood. And the sad thing is, I do.

I'm deeply saddened by the tragedies that have occurred. But I'm also saddened by what it's done to ordinary people in this city, and how long it will take for any level of trust to be restored.

It's time I moved on. I'm thinking of buying a small powerboat and going upriver to see what I can find further north. My "swamp rat" friends are disappointed that I haven't been gator-poaching with them yet, but they've promised to help me get a good boat for the journey. Something reliable, but unremarkable. And with a convincing registration.

In the meantime, thank you for sending so many scammers to my web page. They've quite financed the next leg of my journey. And helped me help three more families rebuild their homes.

Have a great day!

Mutabe, formerly known as the Exiled Nigerian Prince

Here's a new one. I got spammed with a phone message:

Do your "MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS" is available to purchase? text me back now when you got my text so that we can set up a deal thanks

Richard Taylor

1-408-484-[last four digits of the phone # withheld]

--------------------------

Dear Mr. Taylor,

I think I will have to pass, since the number you sent me goes to a sort of clearing house for internet porn and regional bordellos and the like, and I'm frankly not interested.

However, I do you have to congratulate you on some of the most original syntax in any spam I've received. For that reason, I'll go ahead and introduce you to a person who might be willing to work something out with you.

The Exiled Prince of Nigeria has promised to help ANY scammer who doesn't mind having hundreds of thousands of dollars deposited directly into his or her bank account. If this sort of offer appeals to you, please go to the Exiled Nigerian Prince's contact page [ http://www.exilednigerianprince.com ] and enter the requested information, including the amount of donation you'd like to receive (try to keep it under $3,000,000), and your bank account number and routing code.

The Exiled Nigerian Prince is currently on vacation in the French Quarter of New Orleans with only intermittent Internet access (the "picturesque" hotel he is staying a barely has running water, much less WiFi). But as soon as he gets back online and reviews your information, he will do everything in his power to make certain you get what's coming to you.

Paul,

A lot has happened in the last few days. The New Orleans Police Department is letting me write you instead of getting my "one phone call," since I can't imagine who I'd call anyway.

As I mentioned, I went boat-shopping and, with the help of my alligator-poaching friends found an unremarkable-looking motorboat with a sort of cabin. To call it a cabin cruiser would be an exaggeration, though. The engine seems fine. We made certain it has a legitimate "clean title" in case I get pulled over for "boating while black" or something. I told my friends I might be needing to hide some contraband as I traveled, and they showed me how to utilize some of the "dead space" as hidden compartments. I think I'll have enough room to hide all of my backpacks of cash as I travel.

But but soon after we finished getting the paperwork settled and the new name of the boat stenciled on ("Rattletrap"), I had an unfortunate encounter. I passed the Celebrity on the street, surrounded by toadies, well-wishers, and two Secret-Service-looking people. Things might have gone different if I had managed to avoid eye contact, but I couldn't help looking to see if it was really my old acquaintance. He recognized me immediately and said, "You there! Yes, you! You've been telling people that I use unbelievable lies in my campaign. I'll have you know that I only use the BEST lies. And I know more about lies than anybody. It's wonderful what I know about lies. Nobody does lies as well as I do. But that's beside the point. I have half a mind to sue you for the things you said about me."

I turned to walk away, and he said, "No, I don't have to sue you. Look! This will settle you once and for all."

I couldn't help turning to look. To my amazement, he was holding one of those old fake wanted posters that El Guapo had printed up back in Guatemala. "That was a joke," I said. "There's no reward. There never was."

The Celebrity said, "Well, I need to be sure. As you know, I'm funding my own campaign, so every bit counts. Not that I need to count every bit. Since I'm loaded, you know. I have billions of dollars at my command. Nobody knows more about billions of dollars than I do. But why spend my own money when I don't have to?" He turned to one of the Secret Service men and said, "You see this man? He's a wanted man. You need to make sure he gets locked up."

The Secret Service man looked me over. We recognized each other from our mutual stay in Cuba. He told the celebrity "That's not my job." But by then a team of New Orleans police was taking notice. Unfortunately it wasn't any of the policemen who know me. One of them said, "Sir, maybe you had better come with us until we get this straightened out." I knew better than to resist, so I went along. Now I'm waiting for the NOPD to call the government in Guatemala and see if I'm really a wanted man down there. I don't know what they'll say, since I'm not sure any of the authorities there even knew who I am or what I look like.

In the meantime, the jail here is overcrowded. Someone told me that the NOPD did a sweep of street people to get them out of the way in a neighborhood where protests were planned. They've all been charged with loitering or something minor that can be dropped as soon as the protest is over.

One bright-eyed youngster who swears he's eighteen but doesn't look a day over eleven was watching me funny when I came in. When he had a chance, he moved my way and settled down next to me. "I know who you are and why you're in here," he said. Don't worry, when the crowds settle down, they'll spring us both. And if they don't, I can spring us anyway - I've done it before."

Well that's the news to date. I'll let you know if I need any help.

Your friend Mutabe (keeping a low profile in an NOPD jail at the moment)

Someone calling himself gwen tvedt writes:

Hello,
There are a cople [sic] of stories I wanted to share with you, please, read more here [link to virus-laden internet porn site withheld]
Regards,

gwen tvedt
astambuk@pravo.hr

--------------------------
Dear gwen,

I'm sure you have interesting stories to tell. But you have to admit the stories you read here are pretty interesting as well. And in addition, the erstwhile hero of these stories - the Exiled Nigerian Prince - can make your dreams come true.

The ENP (as we sometimes call him for short) has a soft spot in his heart for small-time scammers like you, and would like to make an investment in your schemes. If you could use a cash influx, say of $130,000, simply go to his contact page [ http://www.exilednigerianprince.com ] and enter the requested information, including your bank account number and routing code, and the amount of cash you need (try to keep it under $3,000,000).

The ENP is currently working on a report about the NOPD's ability to handle a mass influx of misdemeanor prisoners in their precinct jails. When he is free, that is, when he is finished with his report, he will get back online and deposit as much money into your bank account as he deems appropriate.