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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2016 6:18 am 
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Someone calling himself "Account Paypal" writes:

Re: Warning: Support your team Paypal

Quoting Account Paypal <Paypal@webhost.studionook.com>:

Your PayPal account.
The client, Mr.
Dear Customer Please enter your Paypal at the present time to work on
your Timan Please speed up access to the site [1]

Speed work Enter the following link
[2]
Links:
------
[1]
[2] (link to a virus-spewing server with a Netherlands URL withheld)

------------------------------

Dear Account,

Thank you for your note. I was wondering how to work on my Timan, and you've cleared things up tremendously.

That said, I've looked into YOUR accounts, and I think it's time for you to work on YOUR Timan, too. The easiest way to do that is to request the assistance of the Exiled Nigerian Prince. Simply go to his contact page [ http://www.exilednigerianprince.com ] and enter the requested information, including the details of the bank account associated with your Timan.

The Prince has been out of touch for a few days, due to an unscheduled extension of a river cruise, but as soon as he gets back in touch, he will gladly update your Timan for you.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2016 6:52 am 
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Hey, Paul,

This is Shucks. You might not know much about me but I'm a friend of your friend Mutabe, and he asked me to tell you how things were going since he's been a bit busy trying to keep our new passengers from running us aground. It doesn't matter what's going on, or how new they are to boats or to river transportation, they always seem to know better than we do, and the fatter one, the one Mutabe calls "the Celebrity" has tried to wrestle the wheel from us several times. "When I get control, it's going to be huge!" he says. I said, "The river's already huge; what are you going to change?" "I'm going to make this river great again."

"The river is already great. How can you do anything about that?"

"It'll be even greater when I'm in charge. Trust me. It's wonderful what I know about rivers. I know more about this river than it knows about itself."

It seems these guys are some sort of scam artists, and they can't let it go even when it's just the four of us on the boat. The fellow with the hoodie finally pulled the hood back so we could see his face, and he's the whitest man I ever did see. Before too long, he started explaining how he wasn't getting the respect he deserved after doing everything he could to gut public schools, public health, and public transportation back in his home state. He said, "What's the use of being a public servant, when all you get is scorn?" I said, "Sounds to me like you hate the public. Who are you really serving, your wealthy donors?" "What are you implying?"

Before long, the two of them started putting on airs. Mutabe and I both figured things would go easier with them if we pretended to go along, so we let them have the cots when it was time to sleep, and we addressed them as "sir," and that sort of thing.

Mutabe has given up asking them where they want off. It has been obvious from the start that they have no idea where they're going, and we're not entirely sure they care as long as we let them think they're in charge.

The whiter-than-white fellow started putting on airs first. He was unappreciated, no one knew how he suffered, and he was born to better things, and so on. So Mutabe and I started pretending we repected him, you know, to bolster his spirits, like.

Then the other fellow saw how things were going with the first fellow and HE started putting on airs. He was far more unappreciated, no one knew the sacrifices he had made, and he was born to even greater things, and so on. So we started pretending we respected him even more than the other fellow. The other man took that bad at first, then the Celebrity reminded him that he wouldn't even be on this trip if he hadn't been invited, and that mollified him somewhat.

Mutabe knows something about royal families, so he's taken to calling the Celebrity "Your Highness" and the other fellow "Your Excellency." Behind their backs, we call them the King and the Duke. Mutabe think it's quite funny, because he knows he's the only royal, or sort-of-royal personage on the boat, but he had learned to keep his expression blank when they're yelling at us or saying the most preposterous things.

In the meantime, we haven't covered much ground. Mutabe seems more interested in seeing America from the riverbanks than in getting anywhere in a hurry, and the other two really don't have any clue where they're going.

Moving slow is fine with me. We put in once in a while to get groceries and the like, though I've caught my share of fish, and we've been eating quite well.

A couple of times, the King has asked Mutabe to put in at a friendly looking town; he gets off the boat and kind of sniffs around and gets back on. "Not here," he says. I don't know what he's looking for, and I've learned it's a waste of time to ask. All he says is "When I do have a plan, it's going to be wonderful. Nobody's plans are as wonderful as mine," and so on.

Well, the Duke is asking me for something, so I have to get off. I'll post later when there's more to say,

Your friend's friend,

Shucks


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2016 9:17 am 
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Someone calling himself Boris Lindsey writes:

Subject: Re: invoice Interdum Sed Institute
See the attached invoice.

Please give me your answer within 3 hours

Interdum Sed Institute
Boris Lindsey
(632) 703-0656
[Binary file labeled "Interdum Sed Institute#invoicea8-9zj05ba34gy46jt-11i.rtf" withheld]

-----------------------------

Dear Boris,

Thank you for getting in touch. In reviewing my records, I do not see where I have ever had any dealings with the "Interdum Sed Institute." In a subsequent Google search, I don't see any evidence that your "institute" even exists, either in the U.S. or in the Phillipines, where your phone number originates.

I certainly know better than to open any files sent to me by spammers and scammers.

On the other hand, I know a professional scammer who may be able to help you fine-tune your approach. The Exiled Nigerian Prince, currently on an extended river cruise in the Mississippi River, would be glad to help you. However, his time is worth a great deal, so he only helps people who have agreed up front to pay $500 for their first consulting session. Due to a banking mixup, he can currently only receive or share funds through direct deposit or withdrawal. So if you go to his contact page [ http://www.exilednigerianprince.com ] and enter the requested account information, he will contact you and set up a time for a one-hour telephone or Skype call.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2016 11:36 am 
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Paul,

Thanks for continuing to send me leads from scammers who are too stupid to know when THEY are being scammed. They're financing this leg of my journey very well, thank you.

I saw Shuck's note to you and I have to say that we're still heading north more or less and the "King" and the "Duke" are still attempting to bully us into letting them take over.

About the four hundredth time the King demanded that I let him steer, I asked him, "Why, do you think you have a better plan than I do?"

"Yes, of course I do. I have a wonderful plan."

"So let's hear it."

"No I have to be in charge before I share the details."

About the eight hundredth time he demanded to take over, I said, "Sure," gave him the wheel, and stood back.

The first thing he did was steer toward a sand bar. I told him, "No, see that ridge of water? That's a sand bar. You'll run us aground if you go that way." He kept going. I pointed behind him and shouted "Look at that." He turned around and I adjusted course when he wasn't looking. I'm not sure he even noticed.

But then he started steering toward another sand bar. I said, "Watch out, you're going to run us aground!" He kept going, and this time I couldn't distract him. We came to a halt with a sickening crunch. Fortunately, it was mostly sand, and I don't think it damaged the hull. The King kept steering vigorously as though he was getting anywhere.

"Look, Your Highness," I said, "We're stuck. You ran us aground just like I said you would. Now would you please let me take over."

The King struggled with the wheel for several more minutes. He even kicked up the throttle, which drove us further up the sand bar. Finally he gave up, and stormed to the stern complaining, "The whole system is rigged anyway."

By reversing the engine and getting everyone to the back of the boat, I was able to back off the sand bar. The Duke offered to take over then, but I just gave him a dirty look and he backed off. Apparently he thinks he's above me somehow, but he's also afraid of black people just the same. Maybe that's why he likes lording it over me, because he thinks I'll be less likely to throw him overboard the next time he deserves it.

Still the two haven't kept me from enjoying the beauty of this river and the friendliness of the people we meet along it. We're making very little distance, but that's fine with me.

Yours,

"Jim," whom you know as Mutabe, the exiled Nigerian Prince.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2016 9:01 pm 
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Paul,

The rest of the guys have gone into town for a pizza, so I'm writing you while they're gone. I am REALLY worried about our safety with the fellows Mutabe calls the King and the Duke aboard. Mutabe just thinks they're funny, but he hasn't told you the whole story.

Soon after they got onboard, when the King started demanding to be allowed to steer and Mutabe refused, the King said his followers would riot if he didn't get to steer sooner or later. Sure, he doesn't have many followers on this boat - actually just the Duke, but the threat of violence seems to come real easy to this guy. And who knows when we might not catch up with an angry mob that accepts him as a leader?

Today's experiment, when Mutabe let the King run the boat aground to prove he didn't know what he was doing was worse. As Mutabe reported, the King went away mad, claiming that "the whole thing is rigged" against him. But then he said that if things didn't work out the way he wanted, he might be able to count on the "Second Amendment folks" to make things right.

That went over Mutabe's head, but it didn't go over mine. I'm thinking we need to lose these fellows. But they never seem to leave the boat at the same time. Maybe that's on purpose.

Ooops, they're coming back. Let me know if you have any ideas.

Shucks


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2016 7:11 am 
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Someone calling himself Moon Worlds writes: (Graphic deleted since I don't know where they're coming from)

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------------------------------------

Dear Mr. World,

If you had any idea who you were spamming when you sent me this virtually incoherent note, you would know that I get ten or fifteen similar spams a day.

So many that I only report the really unusual ones to my Exiled Nigerian Prince to the Rescue thread, where I expose spammers. But sometime I report the really unusual ones. Your subject line was so strange I just had to include it. Lines like "Swing Your Business 60% Discount Hire Elite Web Designer" make me wonder what your first language was. I would hazard a guess but I would rather not insult an entire country.

A quick Internet check of other spams you've sent shows a similar disregard for most of the known rules of English syntax.

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And I'm supposed to hire YOU to build or fix my web pages?

I do know one fellow who might be inclined to take a risk on your services - the Exiled Nigerian Prince, who has paid out close to a million dollars to SEO scammers and the like trying to get his web site online. Currently he is on a sort of extended cruise on the Mississippi river, so he only has infrequent access to his funds, but if you can go to his contact page [ http://www.ExiledNigerianPrince.com ] and enter the required information, including the required bank account information, he will soon deposit $175,000 into your bank account as a down payment against the services he hopes you will provide for him in the coming weeks.

Also, I hope the phone number you sent me rings your private phone or your desk or wherever you work, because Card Services and a number of other phone scammers/spammers are always looking for new phone numbers to call. Publishing them here when I get them is a sort of public service to the community to which you and the Prince both belong, don't you think?


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2016 4:56 pm 
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Someone calling himself Ryan Martin writes:

I really love your website, and was wondering if you're looking for more content for your site? I work for Modernize.com and over the past few months, our team has written for The Huffington Post, About.com, and even Time Magazine. I think we could provide some pretty awesome content for your readers as well.

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Once live, we will streamline to our numerous social media followers. :)
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ryan.martin@modernize.com

---------------------------------
So, Ryan,

You're saying that your "team of writers" can learn enough about subject matter of the web site in question to write coherent, useful articles on the subject, when none of the examples you sent me have ANYTHING remotely related to said content. Maybe you should write NASA and offer to write them some free articles on rocket science; you might have a better chance of success.

Considering that anyone who can fog a mirror can get published on Huffpost and About.com, your list of references isn't exactly mindblowing either.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean when you say "we will streamline to our numerous social media followers" either. If this is your idea of good writing, I'm not exactly impressed.

Tell you what, why don't you go ahead and learn something about the subject matter on the site you wrote to me about and write an informative, coherent article that doesn't duplicate any the hundreds of informative, coherent articles that are already on that site or plagiarize anyone else's work. If you can do THAT, I'll be glad to publish it. However if it's no better than all the BS "articles" on Huffpost or About.com (and there are thousands - how many did your "team contribute to?), that will signify that your offer of free quality information is exactly what I've taken it to be.

Have a nice day.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2016 4:52 pm 
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Paul,

I'm sorry for going so long between notes. As you know there's been a tremendous flood in Louisiana. We were north of the areas that got hit worst. The King and the Duke wanted to keep going north, but Shucks and I insisted on going back into the flooded region and helping to rescue people.

It wasn't long before found ourselves working side by side with the "Cajun Navy," a bunch of volunteers who come out for this sort of thing. Of course they know the area a lot better than we do, so we joined up with a group that seemed to know what they were doing, and we spent the next several days hauling people off their roofs and out of second-story bedrooms and so on. The King and the Duke weren't much help first, then Shucks reminded the King that he once claimed to love the poorly-educated, and some of these folks came into that category. So the King was on the lookout for stranded white families. When we got to them, the King expected the Duke, Shucks, and I to do all the "heavy lifting," while he stood around congratulating the flood victims for having the good sense to lose everything on HIS watch!

He was just as talkative to black folks we rescued once they were on the boat, but he often tried to direct us to go past stranded black families to help while families a few homes up. A few times when we had too many people on the boat to stop for more on that run, he would shout out to stranded black people that he was the only one on their side; everyone else was just taking them for granted. Then on the next trip out, he'd be busy pointing out the white families and hoping we'd ignore the black folks who were closer.

The water has receded a little now, and we've only picked up a handful of folks in the last day or so, so the King seemed anxious to head north again. But Shucks and I have been working hard, barely sleeping for days, so we insisted we tie up for a few hours and get some rest. Even the Duke seemed to think it was a good idea, despite the fact that he only did any actual work when the King was looking his way.

We found a dock that was mostly above water and tied up there. The King jumped onto the dock and walked ashore, looking around as he had done before. This time it was like he had caught the scent of something he liked, and he shouted back, "Don't go anywhere; I need to take a walk."

Shucks and the Duke didn't want to go anywhere, but I followed him into town just to see what he was up to. He walked past one home after another with huge piles of destroyed furniture and other belongings out front, past one family after another who had lost everything, past people who hadn't changed clothes or - in some cases - eaten in two days, until he came to the town square. Then he climbed up on the base of a war memorial and gave a speech.

I can't begin to tell you everything he said, because it was such a mismash of ideas, but apparently the BIG problems facing all the dispossessed people he was addressing were Washington insiders, immigrants, free trade deals. Global climate change, which almost certainly had something to do with the flood, didn't come up because, even after all this storm, it's still politically incorrect in many Louisiana parishes to believe it exists at all.

When the King learned that the Governor had asked President Obama to stay away until the flooded areas were under some measure of control, he bragged about how he couldn't stay away because he was planning wonderful things for the people of Louisiana. He couldn't say what they were, but they'd be wonderful. And he criticized the President for listening to the governor and staying away, and he called again for his opponent to be jailed for treason, and for "second amendment folks" to do something about her if that doesn't happen, and he complained that the election was going to be rigged against him, and so on, all of his most absurd talking points from earlier speeches, none of which addressed the immediate needs of the audience he was addressing.

The truth is, his speech, if you can call it that, wouldn't have been any less coherent if he'd stripped off his clothes, painted himself blue, and pranced around the town square on all fours naked.

But here's where it got really strange - when he finished, people cheered and cheered and cheered as if he had actually done something for them, or even promised to do something specific for them. In fact, while Shucks and I have been working day and night, and even the Duke has helped a little, the King has done nothing at all for anyone, but somehow still presenting himself as the answer to all of their problems. And the people - at least the white people - were buying it.

I left for the boat before he did. In fact I even had the idea of pushing the Duke ashore and casting off, but I think the King was on to me. We walked the last hundred yards or so together.

"Do you believe any of that?" I asked him.

"It doesn't matter if I do or not. It matters that THEY believe it."

We're heading for Missouri now. Shucks says it's the "show me" state. Maybe when the King trots out all of his favorite lies, someone there will ask him to back them up with facts instead of just bragging on himself.

Your friend Mutabe, ("Jim" as long as these lunatics are aboard.)


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2016 7:37 am 
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Someone calling himself Johnk454 writes:

Hi, yup this post is truly fastidious and I have learned lot of things from it dkbfefacdffe

johnk870@gmail.com

--------------------------------------

Thank you for commenting on my web site's attention to personal hygiene. I have to warn you, though, that I only let real people have access to the comments and discussion sections, so blasting me with flattering, if strange, generic messages won't get you signed up or put you in a position to come back months from now to post ads for Canadian pharmaceuticals or whatever. Sorry - as you can see my site IS fastidious. Have a great day!

Paul


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 9:07 am 
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Hey, Paul, it's Shucks again. Since the King made his first stop for a speech, he's done it several more times. Neither Mutabe nor I have been able to post anything recently. Apparently someone told him about my post about him painting himself blue and prancing around the stage naked. He's been watching me like a hawk ever since.

Today he's off for another speech. I pretended I was sick and stayed on the boat, so I'd have a chance to give you an update. Something even weirder had been happening lately. These canisters labeled "Unbelievable Lie" keep coming out of nowhere and landing on the boat. The King opens every one, pulls out a slip of paper and memorizes what is written down. Sometimes he shows one to the Duke. Then he puts the paper back into the canister, closes it, then throws everything over the side of the boat. Then he goes to the next one. I'm uncomfortable about leaving a trail of these things - talk about polluting the environment. In fact, the first day this happened, I saw an alligator come up and swallow one whole. First its eyes turned red, then its skin turned blue, then the whole thing started to glow around its midsection. It started thrashing around, then exploded. If these Unbelievable Lie things are bad for alligators, imagine what their poison will eventually do to the "poorly educated" people the King loves to speak to.

I used to think that getting both of these clowns ashore and getting away was the best thing we could do. But I'd hate to think how much damage they'd do if they were on land the whole time.

I'm not a violent person, nor a lover of violence, but I have to confess, I've had some crazy thoughts lately. Still that is just crazy. The American people would never vote for a blowhard demagogue who's this full of it, would they?

Well they're headed back so I'd better sign off. Hope things make more sense where you are,

Shucks


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