Dear Reader: I started a new Wordpress site last month and I haven't even publicized it, but I'm already getting "comments" from spammers. Here are this week's in reverse chronological order. BTW, the ones for a free movie download from a movie/book series that glorifies abuse lead to a virus-prone web page. I suppose that if people want to read/view that kind of stuff, they are asking for it, but they won't get it from me. The rest have buried links leading to fake Viagra or fake Canadian Pharmaceutical sites. I have NO idea what the last one is saying, though.

Just in case you wondered if I was no longer paying attention. I'll try to get back in touch with the Prince again before long.

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A reader who claims to be an expert player of almost every musical instrument ever used for Folk music writes:

Helpful information. Lucky me I discovered your site unintentionally, and I'm stunned why this accident didn't took place in advance!

I bookmarked it.

Barney Critchfield
barney.critchfield@gmail.com

---------------------------------------------------
Barney,

I don't know what to say!

Like you, I am often stunned that accidents don't take place in advance.

Hopefully you'll get some useful information out of my pages,

Paul

Someone calling himself or herself Austin Cameron writes:

Subject: Special Packages For SEO | Digital Marketing
Reply To: Austin Cameron - austin.webexperts@outlook.com

Hi

I am Joseph, Hope you are well.

I have a Business Proposal for you.
Would you like to draw in more visitors or business to your website OR Modify your website to look unique and best, if yes, please read our proposal!
I am affiliated with an SEO company that has helped over 200 businesses rank on the 1st Page Ranking on GOOGLE for even the most competitive Industries.
Off-Page & On-Page Optimization.
Keywords Research
Competition Analysis
Optimized Content Creation
Keywords Optimization
Back Link Creation/Link Building
Submission to Search Engines and Directories

If you are looking for a Best Search Engine Optimization Company to help your website get a high ranking in Google we can definitely help you.

Please ask us for more information and Quote for latest SEO Services & we will give you FREE SEO Analysis report.
Regards
Austin

[Note:we also provide & specialized in WEB Design, WEB Development, Mobile Apps Development, Brochure Design services etc]

Austin Cameron
austin.webexperts@outlook.com
Title
Company

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Austin,

Thank you for getting in touch. I have to say that I am honored to meet someone whose company name is simply "Company," and whose job title is simply "title." I guess that makes you unique.

Also I've never met someone named Austin who is actually Joseph.

Considering that most of my web pages get first page ranking for most relevant keyword searches, I'm not entirely sure why I need your service. However I have a friend who could use some help putting his web page together, and you may be the person to do it.

At this point in time, the Exiled Nigerian Prince has given out over $140,000 to so-called web developers who offered to help him get his web site off the ground, but who really were only scammers. You seem like you know what you're talking about, so I'll put him in touch with you. At the moment, he and a friend are near Chicago, having traveled up from the Gulf by the Mississippi river. Mutabe (his given name) doesn't seem to grasp why the "Chicago River" runs backwards, so he is visiting some historical museums today to get an answer. When he gets back in touch, he'll be glad to give you a deposit of, say, $35,000 to help you get started on his project. All you need to do is go to his contact page [ http://exilednigerianprince.com ] and enter the requested information, including the account number and routing code of the bank where you would like the money to be deposited.

Here's hoping you find this business relationship highly profitable (for one party at least)!

I'd be glad to employ you to help my web sites get better than first page ranking for most

Someone calling herself Maria Cannon writes (repeatedly) to one of my garden-related sites:

Quoting maria@hobbyjr.org:

name: Maria Cannon
email_again:
comment: Hello again,

I hope you're being blessed with warm weather as I am in my neck of the woods. I wanted to follow up on my offer to write an article for you.

Gardening has been a blessing for me, helping me work through the [unsolicited medical information withheld].

I'd love to spread the word about how gardening benefits the mind, body, and soul. Can I write an article for you about the health benefits of gardening? I think your readers might find my suggestions and insight useful.

Let me know if you're interested and I can get started right away.

All the best,

Maria Cannon
maria@hobbyjr.org
Hobbyjr.org
maria@hobbyjr.org

---------------------------------
Maria, thank you for getting in touch. I'm glad gardening is helping you with your health issues. Unfortunately it isn't helping you with your web publication issues, as my browsers report security or protocol problems with hobbyjr.org. When I can get to the site, I realize that there is no content there at all - just links to other sites.

Sometimes I get contacted by people who want to do "guest blogs" as a way of drawing traffic back to their site. But there's nothing on your site to draw anyone back to.

Sometimes people put up fake sites to "backfill" other scams. Like the fake teacher who set up a whole fake elementary school web site so he could pretend he was contacting me on behalf of "her" schoolchildren, and would I please include a link to a shady business on one of my pages so the fictitious kids could see how the Internet worked?

My guess is that your article on the health benefits of gardening would have hidden embedded links to businesses that are paying you to get such links planted on popular web pages. Even if I NEEDED an article on the health benefits of gardening, there is nothing on your content-less web site to convince me that you know anything at all about gardening. Tell you what, if your client is reputable and has anything to sell that is remotely related to the topic of my page, I will gladly post his link for my standard fee of $1000 a month per page posted.

Have a great day,

Paul

Someone calling himself or herself Naveen Sharma writes:

Subject: Do you know someone for Financial Analyst in Township, OH

Dear Paul

Our Client is looking for a FINANCIAL ANALYST in TOWNSHIP, OH . I am reaching out to see if you or someone you know may be interested in this position. Please review the job description below, and if you or someone you know would like to pursue this opportunity please email me an updated MS Word version of your resume and call me at 508-628-7574[1] at your earliest convenience.

I appreciate your time and look forward to hearing from you.

[Job description for a job I'm not remotely interested in withheld].

Best Regards,
Naveen Sharma

** 10 TIME INC 500/5000, 10 TIME BBJ "PACESETTER ", 5 TIME
SIA-FASTEST GROWING**

NAVEEN SHARMA | TALENTBURST, INC.
Boston | Dallas | San Francisco | Miami | Milwaukee | Toronto | New Delhi
Work: (508) 628-7574| Fax: (508) 319-3065
| Email: naveen.sharma@talentburst.com
679 Worcester Road | Natick, MA 01760 | http://www.talentburst.com[2]

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Naveen,

Township, Ohio is not a place. And I'm not a Financial Analyst. Thanks for playing,

Paul

Someone calling himself Jenny White writes:
Hello,
I wanted to quickly reach out to you. I’m on [web site name withheld] and wanted to share a few particular observations I had. I think I can help your company leverage a few things (such as exposure/conversion, etc.) to help the bottom line.
Just for the record: I work with consultants who have strong track, and case studies to back it.
Would you be open to having them conduct a Thorough Web Vision Roadmap to showcase these insights? It won’t cost a thing, and at the very least, you’ll come away with a new perspective.
All I’d need to get started is to know the best line to briefly connect, as well as the best time.
Interested to gather your thoughts,
Warm Regards,
Jenny White
whitejenny19@gmail.com

PS: Humble request we are not spammers. We take hours to research on sites and keywords to contact webmasters. If by sending this email we have made an offense to you or to your organization then we extremely apologize for the same. In order to stop receiving such emails from us in future please reply with “Remove or Not interested” as subject line. Many thanks for having your kind look to our email.

------------------------------------------------

Jenny,

Thank you for getting in contact. I am always glad to meet people who work with "consultants who have strong track."

I've always had weak track myself, so this might be helpful.

However, I am struggling with your claim that you are not spammers. You send unrequested e-mails attempting to sell products and services to strangers with whom you have no relationship whatsoever. That's the definition of spam.

That said, I have a friend who has weak track, too but a lot of money. He might be interested in working with your friends who have strong track. In fact, he's very generous to people who help him with his track. Would a $30,000 down payment be enough to get some resources reserved to help him?

If you like this proposal, please go to the Exiled Nigerian Prince's contact page ( http://exilednigerianprince.com ) and enter the requested banking information so that he can deposit that much into your account and start your business relationship.

Here's hoping you have the business success you deserve.

Someone calling himself or herself Cheryl Engelhardt writes:

Dear Paul,
I'm in tech-hell, crying my eyes out. I'm trying out a new platform to streamline how I share music career tips (mostly so I can give just as much value but also have more time to work on my own music career a bit more) and I think I sent you duplicate emails! THIS IS LIKE THE MOST ANNOYING THING TO ME and I am SO SORRY if you did, indeed, get two. If you've stuck with me, I adore you, and we can hopefully move forward together.

Okay. I'm shaking it off. Onwards and upwards, we've got more important things to do than worry about a silly little accidental duplicate email.

Okidoky. As I mentioned in my previous email[s], I'm sending a quick series in the next week or so to do a little getting-to-know-you so we can really start to dig in to YOUR awesome music career and show you how it can all connect! Here's the next bit of the story! (And more of this plus some great career-boosting tips on Tuesday's live video workshop- free to signup here.)

So you now know that I had my first job as a government SCUBA diver for a bit before turning to music. But it wasn't a full-on, OMG YES I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION moment when I switched to music.

There were odd jobs in between my full-time job and becoming a full-time musician.

So. Many. Odd jobs.

I mean, I was a bouncer, a personal trainer, a mailroom messenger, piano teacher, and a recording studio intern. I landed a "steady" job as a composer at a jingle house, but kept training and teaching because, you know, touring is expensive, even when you're only doing it over long weekends. Life was a bit of an emotional (and financial) rollercoaster.

Three years into the music house gig, what I was describing as my "dream job", I got laid off. That was actually scary as sh&t. But you know what I learned in the following four years where I went full-time as a touring musician (peppered with some piano lessons)?

I learned that road to a real music career is filled with unpredictability... and that I liked it. It was no coincidence that I get bored easily. (Not just with jobs... Sorry past-boyfriends! You can see why I married a mountain guide!)

You go into music with big wild dreams and amazing ideas. But the every day, day in and day out can be tough. There are extreme highs and lows.

Which is why support is so damn critical.

And it's okay to ask for it!

We are the D-I-Y, YouTube generation, but I'm sorry... no YouTube video or college course on how a publishing company works can replace my mentors, coaches, and community of hard-working and like-minded musician friends.

So how 'bout you? Have you been in this music thing alone until now?

D-I-Y does not mean Do It Alone!

Hallelujah, because... not to be rude... but going at it alone is a really dumb idea.

I made some stuff for you so we can do it together. To get started, sign up for The Perfect Pitch course so that you can make every interaction one that propels you forward. It's a quick and easy course that walks you through HOW to ask for whatever you need in a powerful way and get a YES. Sounds good, right?

xoxo,

~Cheryl
cheryl@cbemusic.com

-----------------------------------------
Dear ~Cheryl

First of all, thank you for apologizing for sending this e-mail twice. Actually I only got it once, which was fine with me. However, sending me an e-mail without any prior contact and pretending i was already on your mailing list is always a sign of a scammer. So, whatever you're selling, I'm not buying.

That said, my friend the Exiled Nigerian Prince has replaced his djembe that he lost track of somewhere in the Caribbean and has been practicing up. He and his young friend Shucks have recently been bumming around Chicago bars, playing open mics and the like, and they're starting to get a following. I'm sure Mutabe (the Prince's given name) would love to buy whatever it is you're selling. In fact, I showed him your web page and he's so excited that he's perfectly willing to invest, say $50K into your program, to get as much of your coaching as possible in the near future.

If you've never heard of Mutabe, you can probably get a good idea of who he is and what he does by scanning the other postings on this forum. If Mutabe's offer of $50K up front to help him get started in the indy music business sounds interesting to you, please go to his contact page [ http://exilednigerianprince.com ] and enter the requested information, including the bank account number and routing code of the account where you would like the money to be deposited.

Excited to see the true value of such collaborations, I remain,

Paul Race, Creekdontrise.com

Someone who is clearly NOT Tim Horton writes:

Hey Paul,
My name is Tim Horton and I’m the Partnerships-Manager at JvPartnersNow
I'm emailing you regarding a Sponsored-Post we'd like to publish on bostonchefs.com
We're interested in Partnerships with Quality Blogs in the Home & Lifestyle categories.
The content we offer is totally Non-Branded & Non-Promotional, instead the content will be tailored to your Blog and Needs.
Goes without saying that we’re willing to pay for each Article and Link posted on your blog so it’s not a Free-Loading type of offer : )
NOTE – Just in case you don’t publish 3rd Party content that’s ok - As we have plenty of alternative partnership options which might interest you.
For instance - we can just pick an existing Text-Link in an old post from past years.
Please do let me know if you're interested and I'll provide you with additional details about the partnership-offer.
Thank you in advance for your Time & Consideration Paul !

Take care,
Tim Horton
Tim.Horton@jvpartnersnow.net>
Partnerships-Manager
JvPartnersNow

-------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Not-Tim Horton:

Thank you for the kind offer from Junior Varsity Partners Now. I assume that's what your name means, since I don't manage the bostonchefs.com site and never had anything to do with it.

I don't even know where to go from here. Sorry.

Here is a message I keep getting on my phone (the voicemail system keeps cutting off the first part).

". . . headquarters which will get expired in the next twenty-four working hours. And once it get expired after that, you will be taken under custody by the local cops, as there are four serious allegations pressed on your name at this moment. We would request you to get back to us so that we can discuss about this case before taking any legal action against you. The number to reach us is 914-373-7168. I repeat: 914-373-7168. Thank you "

Today I answered the phone the first time they called and it was a woman's recorded voice with many digital artifacts claiming to be calling from the IRS. Supposedly I'm in deep doodoo with the feds. The rest of the message goes on as I quoted above.

First of all, what LANGUAGE is "she" speaking" I put "she" in quotation marks since the voice sounds like one of those robo-voices where you type in the words and tell it you want to hear it spoken in a man's voice, or a woman's voice, etc.

Things expire, they don't "get expired." Things are "taken under" advisement, but people are taken INTO custody. Allegations are never "pressed" on anyone's name. You can discuss a case, but you can't "discuss about" a case. I'm sure a linguist would be able to reverse-engineer the syntax and figure out what language the voice's programmer actually speaks. But I know enough to know it's not a native English speaker.

I would write a pretend reply to this, but by all accounts, these scammers have already done serious damage to some folks bank accounts, and they just keep going. So, not funny. But I thought it was worth reporting. Be safe, all,

Paul

Someone calling himself Ramona R. Smith AND Myself Sheetal writes:

Dear there,
Myself Sheetal, from Green Byte Web Pvt. Ltd., if you are looking for any assistance for your business We are the trusted partner to leading brand names providing Website designing, SEO, Re-designing, Google Adwords Services everything your business needs to achieve success using the Internet at affordable prices.
Reply us with your full & Exact requirement similar services you are looking for.
Looking forward to hearing from you

Regards
Sheetal
ramonarsmith.online@yahoo.com
qarepjayala@gmail.com
Marketing Team - International Sales
Google Certified Partner.
Website Design | Website Development | SEO
TRUSTED DIGITAL MARKETING AGENCY

-----------------------------------------------
Dear Myself,

Thank you for writing. Unfortunately, my readers speak English and you apparently do not. So I would be afraid of letting you have anything to do with my web pages for fear you would the text into whatever language you used when you wrote this memo. In addition, the fact that you use not one, but two different names to contact me is less than encouraging. And I am further put off that you have two different e-mails from companies that let literally anybody start an account, and not even a company name in your header, much less a legitimate URL or e-mail domain.

In retrospect, I don't think you're even one of the third-rate SEO "services" that contacts me on an hourly basis. Everything about your e-mail tells me you're a scammer hoping to get access to one of my web pages so you can fill it with spam and redirect viruses. On a quality scale, I rate your attempt at a 1 out of 5.

If you want more help on what it takes to run a good internet scam, let me put you in touch with the granddaddy of Internet scammers, the Exiled Nigerian Prince, currently living under an alias in the south side of Chicago and paying his bills by playing djembe in an AfroPunk band. I happen to know that he is still actually quite wealthy, and often looking for promising younger players in whom he can invest as a way of "paying it forward." In fact, he's been known to loan aspiring fellow scammers like yourself "serious money," so they can get started off right. $10,000 to $50,000 depending on whether they have a useful "game plan" to present.

If you want to get in line for such beneficence, simply go to the Exiled Nigerian Prince's home page [ http://ExiledNigerianPrince.com ] and enter the following explanation:

A explanation of your game plan
The bank routing code and account number of the checking account where you would like the Prince to deposit your loan funds.

You've taken your first step into a much larger universe.